- Bully proofing your child
Recently, a mother shared a concern that her ten-year-old daughter does not take any action when she is getting bullied by her peer group. The mother was worried that though her daughter seems visibly upset, she never says anything to her friends and does not try to stop them or confront them. While the mother was seeking guidance on how she should enable the child to deal with situations where she is becoming a target of bullying, she was also disturbed by the fact that her daughter does not respond in these situations. While we were discussing the various situations in which her daughter was getting bullied, my first question to her was- does the child realize that she is getting bullied. And the mother’s response was- she probably did not realize this.
Very often, while we empower our children to deal with bullying, we often miss out on the first step- helping them to understand and identify that they are getting bullied. Children can recognize bullying by keeping in mind the following three questions: Is the other person doing or saying things repeatedly? Is the other person doing or saying things with an intention to hurt me? Is the other person more powerful than me? If the answer to these questions is ‘Yes’ then your child is definitely getting bullied.
While we empower our children to deal with bullying, the most important thing is to help them understand and reassure them that it is not their fault and that you believe in them. Bullying can be harmful and can have long-term consequences on children. The consequences may be physical or emotional and can manifest in the form of mental health concerns including depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. This makes it extremely important that we empower our children to deal with bullying. The elemental step would be to help them identify if they or someone around them is getting bullied. Keep all channels of communication open with them as it is a well-established fact that the more we talk to our children about it, the more comfortable they will be about telling us if they experience bullying or witness it happening around them. Teach them to follow the thumb rule of “Talk-Walk-Tell” in case they experience bullying. Talk- ask the bully to stop saying or doing what they are if that is hurting you; Walk- walk away from the situation and Tell- seek help from a person that they trust will be able to help them. Always encourage your child to offer support in the prevention of bullying.
As parents or teachers, we can be alert to any signs of bullying. While some children may openly communicate their discomfort, others may not. In such situations, if we as adults are aware and are able to look out for signs of bullying, we will be able to support our children at the appropriate time. Unexplained bruises, headaches, stomach aches, fear of going to school or social events, being anxious and hyper-vigilant, a sudden fall in academic performance, having nightmares or being distressed, and frequent anger outbursts are some signs that might indicate that your child is getting bullied.
If your child approaches you for support, do not ever turn them away asking them to handle it on their own. They would not have approached you for help if they were able to handle it on their own so never dismiss their experience. Also, in case your child is getting bullied in school, as a parent do not hesitate to seek the support of teachers. As parents, it may not be easy to deal with your own feelings when you see your child is getting bullied and you may experience anger, fear, and helplessness. Try solving the problem together with your child and generate solutions. Be a role model for your child and practice together to deal with bullying without being defeated. Practice different situations with your child, where he learns strategies to deal with bullying and being assertive. Help them identify friends and teachers who they can approach for help if they are being bullied. Educate your child about cyberbullying and encourage safe online behavior.
As key stakeholders in the social-emotional wellbeing of our children, we should empower them to deal with bullying as every child has the right to a safe and nurturing environment in which they can learn, play, and thrive. Introduce your child to the concept of bullying and equip him/her with effective tools to manage such situations effectively. Change begins with awareness, and aware youngsters can not only keep themselves safe but also check the cycle of bullying.