Dealing with the Empty Nest
In our life journeys we reach a stage when our children move out of home for studies or work and embark on a new journey in life. For a lot of parents this phase can bring along a mix of emotions. Life suddenly changes as there is a shift of focus and our children who have been our priority for the last so many years leave the nest. As a result, as parents we can experience an intense void in our lives. For all these years our lives revolved around our children- their school routine, co-curricular activities, homework, exams, likes and dislikes and then suddenly they move on to be more independent. This is the time when some parents struggle to adjust to the new life without children being around at home.
All of these changes can bring along a mixed bag of feelings for the parents. While on one hand we might experience happiness and be excited as our children have now grown up and are stepping into a new phase of their lives, on the other hand, we might also experience loneliness, sadness, and anxiety. As difficult or confusing as it might seem, this phase in the life of parents brings along with it a whole lot of unexpected opportunities. All these years our children have been our focus of attention, and we spent a great deal of our time and energy in taking care of their needs. Suddenly this newfound time gives us the opportunity to rediscover our identities and redefine our lives.
It might be overwhelming to experience the empty nest and the unbearable quietness that comes along with it. One might also experience a strong sense of void in life. All of these feelings are very natural and while it might take some time to develop a level of acceptance towards these feelings, this is also the time to redefine your identity and role from a parent of a child to the parent of an adult. It also helps to think that this is a phase in our life journey and there was a time when we also moved out of our parental homes to lead more independent lives. This is the beginning of a new chapter in our lives and the lives of our children. So as overwhelming as it might seem, this is the time to take a close look at our life and decide what were some parts of our life that we put on the back burner during the growing up years of our children and which of these parts we would want to revive.
You may also want to identify some coping strategies that work for you and invest time in selfcare, looking after yourself with care and compassion. Some of these strategies might include getting in touch with friends more often, pursuing a hobby or interest that you never got the time for, travelling, journaling, developing a new exercise regime, and above all acknowledge the change.
While getting used to the empty nest, be mindful that you do not fall into the trap of micromanaging the lives of your children. It is a fact that your child probably still needs you and would do so in future as well, it is also important to be mindful of the fact that micromanaging their life from a distance can lead to anxiety in them and negatively impact their confidence. At the same time, it prevents them from developing the crucial decision-making skills which are an essential part of their life as they step into this phase of newfound independence. All said and done they will still need your parenting although in a much different way now. So, let’s start getting used to parenting a young adult.
All these years we have been actively playing the role of a parent and investing a whole lot of time and energy in parenting. We have probably become much more familiar and comfortable with our identities as parents than any other. And now with children leaving home, we also lose this identity to some extent which had become a significant part of our life. Now is the time to rediscover your identity and redefine your roles. In fact, the best time to begin with this is when your children have still not left home. It makes the transition easier both for you and for the children. Set new goals for yourself as this would keep you motivated and positive.
Last but not the least, remember that you are not alone in experiencing the feelings of dealing with the empty nest. It is a universal feeling for parents around the world. Sending children off into the world can be difficult for parents but it is important to encourage them to blossom into young adults and lead independent lives. And for the parents, it’s a time to relearn and refocus your lives so that you can maintain a balance between your new role as a parent and also enjoy living your own life.