Struggling to bond with your teen?
We often hear and read about how important it is to spend quality time with our children. This is the time when we give our undivided and focused attention to them. This special time and connection goes a long way in not only creating a strong bond with them but also strengthens the parent- child relationship. Research shows that positive relationships between parents and children play a significant role in their overall development and well-being. While there is no one way to form a strong parent- child relationship, it is seen that your relationship with your child will be healthy if it is based on warmth, love, respect and trust. When children know that as parents we care about the big and small things that matter to them, and that everything which is significant to them equally matters to us as well, they tend to form a relationship of mutual respect and trust with the parents.
I often hear from parents that my teenager does not even want to talk to me, leave aside spending quality time together. On the other hand, the same child feels my parents are always too busy with their work and they do not have any time for me. So, when both the parents and the child are looking forward to spending quality time together, where does the challenge arise and what comes in their way of doing so? One possible reason could be that sometimes parents are struggling to find the right ways to connect with their teens. Teens are the years when children are beginning to develop a greater sense of autonomy. They are exploring new hobbies and areas of interest. Amongst all of this, the teens are undergoing hormonal changes which can lead to mood swings and also affect their interpersonal relationships. So, an important thing to remember is to not take any of your teen’s emotional outbursts personally. Having said so, we might wonder what would be the way to bond with my teen when he/ she is showing a lot of resistance.
Well, the key is to begin by spending quality time with your teen even if it is ten minutes by the clock on weekdays. We can always spend a couple of hours or more together on the weekends. This connection is very important and goes a long way in strengthening the parent- child relationship. When spending time together with your teen, avoid making the conversation being about a ‘to-do list’. Rather follow your teen’s lead and join into the conversation related to the things that your teen wants to talk about. There might be days when they do not want to have any big or small conversations, and that’s absolutely ok. Just sitting together for a while with your teen is good enough to convey a message across that you are available, as and when they want to share anything with you, they can talk about it. During the weekend, when you spend time together, let your teen decide how they would want to spend that time, the choice being within reasonable limits of course.
When spending time with your teen the most important thing to remember is that you focus entirely on them. You might want to discuss some common areas of interest. Talk about their friends and get to know them. On the weekends, you might want to make it a family ritual to watch a movie together, go on a morning walk, go out for lunch as a family, do cooking or baking together. The choice is all yours, whatever you do, the idea is to connect with each other, share thoughts and feelings and just bond together. And this becomes easier when your teen has a big say in it or they get to do things which they relate to naturally. Spending quality time with your teen can happen spontaneously anywhere and anytime, but when we make a conscious effort towards it, it certainly makes a huge difference.
These precious moments spent together with your teens will go a long way in strengthening your relationship with them. It will keep the communication channels open, and they will be able to approach you to discuss all of their big and small feelings. With the help of this safe and secure bond that your teen develops with you, they will be able to navigate the ups and downs of their teenage years and beyond.